What happens when motherhood reopens wounds you thought were healed? Does this happen to everyone—or is it just me? Has anyone else had doubts at 2 a.m, breastfeeding their baby, when everything is silent except for the restful snoring of your partner, dead asleep right next to you?

Losing Myself in the Early Days of Motherhood

When I became a mother, I didn’t realize how much of myself I’d lose, parts I would meet again and others I’d have to create in order to survive. The wounds I thought were healed, turned scars, are opened back up and became exposed, leaving me naked and vulnerable. I carried the invisible weight of generational trauma, and I wasn’t prepared for the nights and days of loneliness.

It showed up in sleepless nights, in sudden tears, in parenting choices that didn’t always feel like mine. I lost myself in floods of my baby’s cries and waves of my own anger and resentment. Let’s not even dive into the postpartum hormones no one can control. It was a lot, too much, suffocating.

The Strain on Marriage and Partnership

Healing didn’t start with affirmations or Instagram reels. It began with the downfall of my marriage. Alone, exhausted, in pain, and sleep-deprived, Harold and I fought constantly. I wasn’t able to regulate myself, and he wasn’t able to hold space for that. He couldn’t regulate himself so we were both just sinking ships. We couldn’t see eye to eye. The more I screamed for help and support, the more he distanced himself and threw himself into work.

I’ve always taken pride in my ability to protect myself, to avoid vulnerability that could strip me of being in control. Control was my coping mechanism. Being vulnerable in marriage means giving someone the power to fumble you, to hurt you. Motherhood makes you vulnerable, you have no choice. Having the right partner, the right village, the right support dictates what kind of path you’ll be on as you enter motherhood.

They say nothing is harder on a marriage than having kids. They were right. But how can you test your partner per say without having kids? You can’t. People (mothers and fathers alike) either step up when called up to bat, or strike out.

Vulnerability in Motherhood and Marriage

I believe emotional maturity includes not running away from someone who’s struggling with overwhelming waves of emotion on an hourly and daily basis. It means holding space for your partner while keeping your own emotions separate. That experience was so cold, lonely, and unforgiving. It marked the beginning of a new kind of motherhood. One rooted in scars I chose to learn from, not wounds I continued to bleed through.

It takes courage and deep acceptance to admit I underestimated motherhood and how it would flip my world into the Upside Down. I had no 11 to help me out of it.

Growing Up as a First-Generation Daughter

As the daughter of Vietnamese immigrants, I carry a cultural duality that shapes how I parent and how I interpret motherhood. My parents sacrificed stability for me, yet their parenting instincts were rooted in survival, not softness. Love looked like silence and protection, even if it didn’t always feel like nurture. It was what they knew, what had been passed down to them from decades of oppression and war.

Now, in a country still debating who belongs, whose stories matter and who should be silenced, I’m raising a son with the freedom my parents dreamed of. I want to raise him in a home where empathy is a strong suit, something my parents rarely had space to express.

Here’s your reminder: your story matters. No matter your background, skin color, or religion. Your voice matters no matter how quite and shaky it is when you speak your truth. I am here to listen.

Choosing to Parent From the Scar, Not the Wound

This blog is a space for others like me to be seen:

• Parents navigating the journey of breaking generational traumas and blueprints
• Women reclaiming their bodies and souls through physical therapy and movement
• Families forging emotional connection through traditions and rituals
• First-generation voices grappling with identity, advocacy, and generational shifts
• And anyone who has felt unseen by their partner or by systems meant to support them

Here, we’ll talk about the realities of parenting while healing. We’ll share intergenerational and cultural wisdom, explore health care obstacles, and honor joy through creativity.

Parenting from the scar means choosing yourself, choosing growth over guilt. It means letting love guide, even it’s down an unknown path.

It’s not easy, but it’s possible. What scars are you parenting from today?

Welcome to Rooted in the Matriarchy. You belong here.