The Quiet Loneliness No One Warns You or Talks About
There’s a moment in motherhood that sneaks up on you, when your partner goes back to work, the house finally goes quiet and the baby’s asleep. You realize you haven’t had a real adult conversation in days. Scrolling through photos of your baby’s milestones, text family, and peek at chats with friends that have long gone silent. You feel grateful. But also… lonely.
For me, I was very lucky and grateful in keeping my friendships with my girl friends and even childhood guy friends, virtually through texting and phone calls. For others, this does not come second nature.
Motherhood fills your heart in ways you never thought possible, yet it can also empty your social life. Somewhere between nap schedules, meal preps, and diaper changes, friendships fade quietly into the background. And even though you’re surrounded by noise all day, you can still feel completely alone.
If that sounds familiar, you didn’t do anything wrong, you’re just human. And you’re not meant to do motherhood alone. You’re not meant to live life alone.
Why Motherhood Feels So IsolatingThe Truth About Mom Loneliness — and How to Make Friends Again
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Motherhood can feel lonely, but you don’t have to do it alone. Learn how to make friends as a mom, build your village, and find meaningful connection in the chaos of parenting.
The Quiet Loneliness No One Warns You or Talks About
There’s a moment in motherhood that sneaks up on you, when your partner goes back to work, the house finally goes quiet and the baby’s asleep. That’s when you realize you haven’t had a real adult conversation in days. You scroll through photos of your baby’s milestones, text family, maybe peek at chats with friends that have long gone silent. Gratefulness floods your system but so does loneliness.
For me, I was very lucky and grateful in keeping my friendships with my girl friends and even childhood guy friends, virtually through texting and phone calls. For others, this does not come second nature.
Motherhood fills your heart in ways you never thought possible, yet it can also empty your social life. Somewhere between nap schedules, meal preps, and diaper changes, friendships fade quietly into the background. And even though you’re surrounded by noise all day, you can still feel completely alone.
If that sounds familiar, you didn’t do anything wrong, you’re just human. And you’re not meant to do motherhood alone. You’re not meant to live life alone.
Why Motherhood Feels So Isolating Despite being Busy
Our lives are full of love, of responsibility, of tiny humans and creatures who depend on us for everything, yet loneliness can feel louder than any crying.
A few generations ago, motherhood looked different. Women raised children surrounded by extended family, neighbors, and a true sense of community. There was always someone dropping by, offering a hand, or watching your kids so you could shower in peace.
The internet has grown so we are connected to everyone around but also disconnected to everyone around. Today, many of us live miles (or oceans) away from family. We’re told we should be able to “do it all,” all by ourselves. Or maybe we expect to be able to do it by ourselves. I mean there are many women out there running an entire company, managing 100’s or even 1,000’s of employees. Having a child and caring for that one child should be manageable, right?
The supermom culture makes it seem like needing help is weakness. We post our highlight reels online but rarely show the messy side, the exhaustion, the tears, the longing for someone who gets it. Especially when our partner doesn’t get it.
When I come across the content of a mom, her messy bun, makeup-less face speaking to me in her pajamas, I am more inclined to hear what she has to say. Not because I have shade towards women who have it together, it just doesn’t seem realistic to me to always have it together.
It feels like “Oh, you get me. You look like me. You are me right now in this stage of my life.” Not only validating my experience but demonstrating to the vast internet world that this is the truth of motherhood. Being brave enough to expose the honest truth of what motherhood looks like.
So what happens if you don’t keep in touch with your friends from elementary, middle, high school or even college? Does your ability to make new friends disappear too?
Why Making Friends as an Adult (and a Mom) Is So Hard
Let’s be honest: making friends as an adult is awkward. I mean dating is hard and that’s when both parties are on the same page of shared interest in each other. Making friends as a mom feels impossible. You don’t quite fit in with the crowd that is child-less, having all the time and money to go shopping or bars.
Between work, errands, and never-ending kid duties, there’s barely time to wash your hair, let alone nurture new friendships. And when you finally do meet another friend or mom you click with, you might feel too tired to follow up.
There’s also this invisible fear rooted in insecurities and anxiety. Oh millenials, I feel like we’ve been handed the most anxiety. What if she doesn’t like me? What if I’m too much? OH SHOOT it’s been 3 days and I didn’t respond to her! What if she already has her people and I’m just bugging her?
You’re not alone in that, either. Research shows adults, especially mothers, struggle with maintaining friendships because our lives are fragmented. There’s a lot of stop and go, mainly going. We’re busy in different directions, and emotional labor (planning, remembering doctor’s appointments, checking in) often falls on women.
The truth? It’s not that moms don’t want friends. It’s that motherhood rewires your time, energy, priorities and most importantly, your brain. You don’t have hours to “hang out” anymore. Texting Sarah back isn’t a priority. You have small pockets and that’s okay, that’s human. The right friendships will fit into those pockets. Not only fit, but they will be free of judgement and full of support.
Redefining What Friendship Looks Like in Motherhood
One of the biggest mindset shifts we can make is this: friendship in motherhood doesn’t have to look like it did before kids.
It’s okay if your “catch-ups” happen over coffee at the park while pushing swings. It’s okay if you text memes at 2 a.m. while you’re breastfeeding instead of going out for dinner. It’s okay if some friendships fade and new ones bloom in this season of life. Maybe you even reconnect with a friend from elementary school because now you’re both moms, going through the same journey.
Motherhood changes us. So naturally, our friendships evolve too.
You might find that the friends who “get it” now are other moms you met at the library, preschool drop-off, or online communities like your buy-nothing group. And while digital connections can’t replace hugs, they can create real support. Having any resemblance to a village whether in person or virtual is better than having nothing.
I’ve learned that having expectations, let alone high expectations, lead to disappointment. So don’t have expectations for yourself or other moms. Someone doesn’t respond? Don’t take it personally, it’s not you. So many of my mom friends always apologize for not getting back for a few days and honestly, I lost track of it as well.
We are all busy and we are all trying our best. That is enough
Practical Ways to Make New Friends as a Mom
Okay, you want friends, but where do you even start?Let’s break it down. Here are some genuine, no-fluff ways to build connection in this season:
1. Join Local Mom Groups or Playdates
Search your city’s Facebook groups or community boards for “moms near me.” Libraries often host free story times, while community centers offer baby music or toddler art classes. You don’t have to be extroverted, especially in the early stages when you have barely enough energy to make coffee. Showing up is half the battle.
Alaric and I frequent our local music store that has weekly music classes for toddlers. We also sign up at our YMCA to do swimming and gymnastics.
2. Say “Hi” — Even When It Feels Awkward
That mom you see every week at swim class or the park? She probably feels the same way you do. Smile. Ask how old her baby is or just pay a compliment. Comment on her diaper bag. Small talk opens big doors.
I’ll be honest, I did not like to do this. I was generally the recipient of the “hello” but once someone made an effort to speak to me, I did engage in conversation and kept engaging in conversations in future classes.
3. Try a Friendship App for Moms
Yes, there are apps for this! Try Peanut, Meetup, or Bumble for Friends. Think of it as dating, but for finding mom friends who live nearby and share your interests. I personally did not use this but I wanted to mention them as an option.
4. Host Something Small
You don’t need to plan an elaborate brunch. Invite one or two moms for coffee or a walk. Keep it low-pressure, casual and stress-free. Your kids will keep you both busy anyway.
5. Volunteer or Get Involved
If your child is in daycare, preschool, or early classes, volunteer for small events. It’s a natural way to meet other parents who care about similar things. I personally am not at this stage yet, Alaric is only two. But, I have seen this play out in schools and sporting events.
6. Follow Through
Send that text. Suggest a time. Don’t overthink it. Everyone’s juggling chaos, be flexible and willing to reschedule. Most moms are relieved when someone takes the first step. Think simple. Think attainable.
How to Keep Friendships Alive (Even When Life Is Messy)
Once you find your people, nurturing those connections takes intention but it doesn’t have to take much.
Be Honest About Capacity
You don’t have to be available 24/7 and you shouldn’t in order to maintain a healthy friendship. Real friends understand slow replies, canceled plans, and exhaustion. You can say, “I can’t hang out, but I’d love to FaceTime for 10 minutes tonight.” “This month is hectic but let’s plan something for next month!”
I have never encountered a friend that expected me to be a super mom or even a super human being. Do I feel guilty I read a text but forgot to respond, 4 days later? Yes! But my friends have never brought it up or made me feel bad about it. That was an internal self struggle I had, something I learned to let go of and give myself the same grace my friends did.
Stay Connected in Micro-Moments
Voice notes while folding laundry, texts between naps, or funny memes, these small things keep the friendship alive when life feels too full for long catch-ups. We have huge technology literally at the type of our fingers, our mothers, not so lucky.
Create Simple Traditions
A weekly text check-in. A monthly mom date. A group chat to vent or celebrate. Consistency and effort make friendships sustainable.
Support Each Other Tangibly
Offer to drop off a meal, swap babysitting, or listen without judgment. I think the last point is important. Most people want a space where they are seen and heard. This space allows for one to be vulnerable and authentic. This space may not exist with your partner, so it is invaluable to find this space in a friendship. True connection isn’t about perfection, it’s about showing up for each other in small ways that matter.
Building Your Village with Intention
Your village doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It might include your mom group, your mom, your child’s teacher, your neighbor, your co-worker, or that friend without kids who keeps you grounded in other ways. Your village also doesn’t have to be big. Release all expectations.
My village includes my mom, my sister in law, my neighbor, my dog mom friend, my cat mom friend, 3 coworkers, 2 friends from elementary school, 2 friends from post-grad college, and my 2 cousins. I am very fortunate in that I am surrounded by supportive women at different walks of life.
Think of your village as a mix of roles:
- The mom who texts “You’ve got this” and sends funny memes about toddlers on hard days.
- The one who simply checks in on your mental health and asks what fun plans you have with your kids this week. The one that sees you when you struggle.
- The one you can laugh and cry with over coffee or wine as you discuss the next episode of Love is Blind.
Just a reminder- A village isn’t built overnight. It’s built through small acts of vulnerability, consistency, and kindness.
Let go of the idea that it must be perfect. Some friends will stay for a season, others for a lifetime. What matters most is that you open yourself up to connection again. As human beings, we all crave human connection. It is not typical to live in isolation. The shift into motherhood is literally a life changing one and you don’t have to do it alone.
A Gentle Reminder
Motherhood is full of noise and chaos, but you deserve connection beyond all of it. You deserve to be seen, heard, and supported.
You’re not too late to find your people. It’s actually never too late. Maybe you’re a new SAHM, maybe you’re an empty nester or maybe you’re not a mom to a human child. You don’t need to be the “perfect” to deserve community. You just need to start. One hello, one coffee, one message at a time.
Because no mother should do this alone. Comment below on the ways you’ve made new friends or how you’ve maintained your friendships!
Our lives are full of love, of responsibility, of tiny humans and creatures who depend on us for everything, yet loneliness can feel louder than any crying.
A few generations ago, motherhood looked different. Women raised children surrounded by extended family, neighbors, and a true sense of community. There was always someone dropping by, offering a hand, or watching your kids so you could shower in peace.
The internet has grown so we are connected to everyone around but also disconnected to everyone around. Today, many of us live miles (or oceans) away from family. We’re told we should be able to “do it all,” all by ourselves. Or maybe we expect to be able to do it by ourselves. I mean there are many women out there running an entire company, managing 100’s or even 1,000’s of employees. Having a child and caring for that one child should be manageable, right?
The supermom culture makes it seem like needing help is weakness. We post our highlight reels online but rarely show the messy side, the exhaustion, the tears, the longing for someone who gets it. Especially when our partner doesn’t get it.
When I come across the content of a mom, her messy bun, makeup-less face speaking to me in her pajamas, I am more inclined to hear what she has to say. Not because I have shade towards women who have it together, it just doesn’t seem realistic to me to always have it together.
It feels like “Oh, you get me. You look like me. You are me right now in this stage of my life.” Not only validating my experience but demonstrating to the vast internet world that this is the truth of motherhood. Being brave enough to expose the honest truth of what motherhood looks like.
So what happens if you don’t keep in touch with your friends from elementary, middle, high school or even college? Does your ability to make new friends disappear too?
Why Making Friends as an Adult (and a Mom) Is So Hard
Let’s be honest: making friends as an adult is awkward. I mean dating is hard and that’s when both parties are on the same page of shared interest in each other. Making friends as a mom feels impossible. You don’t quite fit in with the crowd that is child-less, having all the time and money to go shopping or bars.
Between work, errands, and never-ending kid duties, there’s barely time to wash your hair, let alone nurture new friendships. And when you finally do meet another friend or mom you click with, you might feel too tired to follow up.
There’s also this invisible fear rooted in insecurities and anxiety. Oh millenials, I feel like we’ve been handed the most anxiety. What if she doesn’t like me? What if I’m too much? OH SHOOT it’s been 3 days and I didn’t respond to her! What if she already has her people and I’m just bugging her?
You’re not alone in that, either. Research shows adults, especially mothers, struggle with maintaining friendships because our lives are fragmented. There’s a lot of stop and go, mainly going. We’re busy in different directions, and emotional labor (planning, remembering doctor’s appointments, checking in) often falls on women.
The truth? It’s not that moms don’t want friends. It’s that motherhood rewires your time, energy, priorities and most importantly, your brain. You don’t have hours to “hang out” anymore. Texting Sarah back isn’t a priority. You have small pockets and that’s okay, that’s human. The right friendships will fit into those pockets. Not only fit, but they will be free of judgement and full of support.
Redefining What Friendship Looks Like in Motherhood
One of the biggest mindset shifts we can make is this: friendship in motherhood doesn’t have to look like it did before kids.
It’s okay if your “catch-ups” happen over coffee at the park while pushing swings. What if you text memes at 2 a.m. while you’re breastfeeding instead of going out for dinner. Some friendships fade and new ones bloom in this season of life and that’s part of evolution. Maybe you even reconnect with a friend from elementary school because now you’re both moms, going through the same journey.
Motherhood changes us. So naturally, our friendships evolve too.
You might find that the friends who “get it” now are other moms you met at the library, preschool drop-off, or online communities like your buy-nothing group. And while digital connections can’t replace hugs, they can create real support. Having any resemblance to a village whether in person or virtual is better than having nothing.
I’ve learned that having expectations, let alone high expectations, lead to disappointment. So don’t have expectations for yourself or other moms. Someone doesn’t respond? Don’t take it personally, it’s not you. So many of my mom friends always apologize for not getting back for a few days and honestly, I lost track of it as well.
We are all busy and we are all trying our best. That is enough
Practical Ways to Make New Friends as a Mom
Okay, you want friends, but where do you even start?Let’s break it down. Here are some genuine, no-fluff ways to build connection in this season:
1. Join Local Mom Groups or Playdates
Search your city’s Facebook groups or community boards for “moms near me.” Libraries often host free story times, while community centers offer baby music or toddler art classes. You don’t have to be extroverted, especially in the early stages when you have barely enough energy to make coffee. Showing up is half the battle.
Alaric and I frequent our local music store that has weekly music classes for toddlers. We also sign up at our YMCA to do swimming and gymnastics.
2. Say “Hi” — Even When It Feels Awkward
That mom you see every week at swim class or the park? She probably feels the same way you do. Smile. Ask how old her baby is or just pay a compliment. Comment on her diaper bag. Small talk opens big doors.
I’ll be honest, I did not like to do this. I was generally the recipient of the “hello” but once someone made an effort to speak to me, I did engage in conversation and kept engaging in conversations in future classes.
3. Try a Friendship App for Moms
Yes, there are apps for this! Try Peanut, Meetup, or Bumble for Friends. Think of it as dating, but for finding mom friends who live nearby and share your interests. I personally did not use this but I wanted to mention them as an option.
4. Host Something Small
You don’t need to plan an elaborate brunch. Invite one or two moms for coffee or a walk. Keep it low-pressure, casual and stress-free. Your kids will keep you both busy anyway.
5. Volunteer or Get Involved
If your child is in daycare, preschool, or early classes, volunteer for small events. It’s a natural way to meet other parents who care about similar things. I personally am not at this stage yet, Alaric is only two. But, I have seen this play out in schools and sporting events.
6. Follow Through
Send that text. Suggest a time. Don’t overthink it. Everyone’s juggling chaos, be flexible and willing to reschedule. Most moms are relieved when someone takes the first step. Think simple. Think attainable.
How to Keep Friendships Alive (Even When Life Is Messy)
Once you find your people, nurturing those connections takes intention but it doesn’t have to take much.
Be Honest About Capacity
You don’t have to be available 24/7 and you shouldn’t in order to maintain a healthy friendship. Real friends understand slow replies, canceled plans, and exhaustion. You can say, “I can’t hang out, but I’d love to FaceTime for 10 minutes tonight.” “This month is hectic but let’s plan something for next month!”
I have never encountered a friend that expected me to be a super mom or even a super human being. Do I feel guilty I read a text but forgot to respond, 4 days later? Yes! But my friends have never brought it up or made me feel bad about it. That was an internal self struggle I had, something I learned to let go of and give myself the same grace my friends did.
Stay Connected in Micro-Moments
Voice notes while folding laundry, texts between naps, or funny memes, these small things keep the friendship alive when life feels too full for long catch-ups. We have huge technology literally at the type of our fingers, our mothers, not so lucky.
Create Simple Traditions
A weekly text check-in. A monthly mom date. A group chat to vent or celebrate. Consistency and effort make friendships sustainable.
Support Each Other Tangibly
Offer to drop off a meal, swap babysitting, or listen without judgment. I think the last point is important. Most people want a space where they are seen and heard. This space allows for one to be vulnerable and authentic. This space may not exist with your partner, so it is invaluable to find this space in a friendship. True connection isn’t about perfection, it’s about showing up for each other in small ways that matter.
Building Your Village with Intention
Your village doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It might include your mom group, your mom, your child’s teacher, your neighbor, your co-worker, or that friend without kids who keeps you grounded in other ways. Your village also doesn’t have to be big. Release all expectations.
My village includes my mom, my sister in law, my neighbor, my dog mom friend, my cat mom friend, 3 coworkers, 2 friends from elementary school, 2 friends from post-grad college, and my 2 cousins. I am very fortunate in that I am surrounded by supportive women at different walks of life.
Think of your village as a mix of roles:
- The mom who texts “You’ve got this” and sends funny memes about toddlers on hard days.
- The one who simply checks in on your mental health and asks what fun plans you have with your kids this week. The one that sees you when you struggle.
- The one you can laugh and cry with over coffee or wine as you discuss the next episode of Love is Blind.
Just a reminder- A village isn’t built overnight. It’s built through small acts of vulnerability, consistency, and kindness.
Let go of the idea that it must be perfect. Some friends will stay for a season, others for a lifetime. What matters most is that you open yourself up to connection again. As human beings, we all crave human connection. It is not typical to live in isolation. The shift into motherhood is literally a life changing one and you don’t have to do it alone.
A Gentle Reminder
Motherhood is full of noise and chaos, but you deserve connection beyond all of it. You deserve to be seen, heard, and supported.
You’re not too late to find your people. It’s actually never too late. Even if you’re new SAHM or an empty nesting mom. You don’t need to be the “perfect” mom to deserve community. You just need to start. One hello, one coffee, one message at a time.
Because no mother should do this alone. Comment below on the ways you’ve made new friends or how you’ve maintained your friendships!
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