The Patriarchy

In simple terms, patriarchy is a social system in which men hold the majority of political, social, and cultural power. It is a system where male dominance is normalized. Social media has popularized the term patriarchy, but when we look closely at its definition, it refers to a structural inequality that affects laws, institutions, and societal norms—often in ways that justify violence and marginalization under the disguise of “protection.”

Some everyday examples of where patriarchy shows up include:

• Men disproportionately occupying leadership and decision-making roles
• The belief that showing emotion is a weakness in men
• The assumption that men should be paid more than women “just because”
• Men believing women owe them something after paying for dinner

When we think about policing or ICE (especially in recent events), we are looking at systems of force upheld largely by men who may hold very specific beliefs about power and hierarchy. When power structures reinforce domination over humanity and compassion, do human rights become secondary to control?

Across the country, we are seeing incident after incident where compassion is absent and violence is used to control, overpower, and dominate people—many of whom are fearful or speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves.

The Matriarchy

If you think matriarchy is simply the opposite of patriarchy, where women are “put in charge”, that is a common misconception. A true matriarchal structure is about sharing power, prioritizing nurturing values, and centering cooperation as the foundation of community.

Matriarchy is mother-centered, child-centered, and family-centered. It is an egalitarian structure that challenges hierarchical domination, which is precisely why it is so often misunderstood and misrepresented. Not just misunderstood but weaponized. 

Some everyday examples of where matriarchal values show up include:

• Compassion-driven careers such as nursing, therapy, counseling, and social work, which are predominantly held by women
• Parent-teacher conferences being attended primarily by mothers
• Women holding leadership roles in HOAs, PTAs, church groups, mom groups, and neighborhood organizations
• Women making up the majority of people who attend therapy

A well-known example of a matriarchal community in nature is the elephant herd. Elephant herds typically have no adult males and are led by a matriarch. The herd prioritizes its young and operates with a high level of cooperation, protection, and emotional intelligence—often cited as some of the most empathetic behavior in the animal kingdom.

Patriarchy vs. an Egalitarian System

Patriarchy has dominated much of the world for centuries. It is associated with deep-rooted gender inequality, limited opportunities for women and people of color, and widespread social exclusion. It often functions as the default way of thinking, ideas like “men provide” and “women stay home and take care of the kids.”

The issue with these outdated perspectives is that women are evolving. Women are becoming more educated, building wealth, and reducing dependence on partners. Women can have children, work, and manage households but that does not mean they should be expected to do it all.

An egalitarian system distributes power and responsibility more evenly, reducing hierarchy-based violence. It centers family and community rather than profit alone. It leads with humanity and vulnerability, which are often mistaken for weakness but are, in fact, strengths.

Why This Matters Now Especially in the U.S.

There have been countless incidents of violence and abuse linked to policing and government enforcement agencies. Names like Tamir Rice (2014), George Floyd (2020), Breonna Taylor (2020), and Sonya Massey (2024) are just a few examples.

Violence existed long before ICE, but the normalization and endorsement of force by the government threatens constitutional rights and public trust.

The most recent event was the murder of Renee Good. If you are unable to set your political views aside and continue reading without anger or hostility, this may be a good place to stop. But if you can pause politics for a moment, let’s examine this incident through the lens of patriarchy versus matriarchy.

Jonathan Ross, an ICE agent, appeared to react with anger after being verbally confronted during an ICE blockade. Setting politics aside, we must ask: when someone is angry, scared, or offended, does that ever justify drawing your weapon let alone take another person’s life?

Emotions such as anger, fear, happiness, anxiety, are part of being human. But emotions become actions when left unchecked. In this case, I saw a man allowing his emotions to dictate his actions, resulting in the violent loss of a woman’s life.

As I write this, I have received notification that yet another human being was killed by ICE. I will link the news clip below.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/minneapolis-investigating-ice-shooting-rcna255733

Edit as the story unfolds: The victim in this story was Alex Pretti, an ICU nurse. He was attempting to help a woman who was thrown to the ground by ICE. In the videos that are currently circulating, 5-7 ICE officers subdued him to the ground. A few pulled out their guns, a few of them fired and he is seen lifeless in the street.

A Call for Systemic Change

I urge you to look at these events from a different perspective. Ask yourself: do people deserve to die at the hands of those who claim to serve and protect?

How frightening is it to hold a different opinion than someone with a gun—to voice that opinion at the risk of being harmed because someone felt offended, angered, or afraid? What happens to the First Amendment when people are silenced through violence?

How can we uphold the Constitution only when it is convenient or beneficial to certain groups? We fiercely defend the right to own guns, but what about the rights to free speech and peaceful protest?

At its core, patriarchy is about domination. I do not believe any human being should be dominated by another—under any circumstance, culture, or system.

Micro-Acts for Change

Value care out loud
Praise emotional labor, parenting, elder care, and healing—publicly. Support women-owned and care-centered businesses.

Stop rewarding burnout
Tell your friends: “Rest is productive.” “You deserve to rest.”

Interrupt domination language
Shift from phrases like “killed it,” “smashed it,” or “dominated” to “built,” “cared for,” or “nurtured.” Language rewires the brain.

Relational Shifts

Practice consent culture everywhere
Ask before giving advice. Let people change their minds without judgment.

Believe in your intuition
This applies to everyone. Intuition is often drowned out by logic and fear—but it exists in all of us.

Let men be soft
Patriarchy collapses when men are given space to be vulnerable without shame or mockery. Matriarchy is not anti-men.

I hope this blog invites thought, discussion, and reflection. We cannot control everything happening in this messy world but we can choose how we show up within it. My hope is that you choose compassion, humanity, and change.